Society thinks she has to endure, even unto death.
I did not want to start this year whinning about Violence Against Women (VAW) but I’m so annoyed right now.
Between yesterday and today, I’ve read two stories from wives who were almost battered to death by their husbands respectively. My heart bleeds. My heart bleeds that a human being would want to hurt another who is obviously not as strong as he is and for what reason?
Both women have been enduring these violence for many years, both have kids with these so called husbands. Which is probably why they stayed on, hoping that they would change, but instead they get worse. Worse to the point that one locked his wife up in a room for two days after beating her to stupor, so that she cannot get outside help. He confiscated her phone too. I’m so spitting mad, Kai!
Now, when both issues came up for discussion, women, WOMEN for goodness sakes, were encouraging these ladies to pray and endure! Duhh. One suggested we hear from both sides before we can judge. What is there to judge abeg? Who is even talking of judging right now? What could a man who intentionally set out to murder his wife tell us? He did not stop at hitting her with matchetes and sticks but had to isolate her to await her death. What could possibly justify that behaviour?
These women have been married for like ten years each, four and three kids respectively. The battering did not start last week or last month. It has been going on for as long as they were in that marriage. Why stay? For the sake of your kids? For fear that society will see you as a failure or a wayward woman? Or because you have no family to run to? One of these ladies said that the first time she ran to her father’s house with her kids, that her dad sent her back on the grounds that he has received bride price and drank wine on her head. Therefore he cannot harbour them. What is that?
Maybe I’m feeling this way because I am single. Maybe I have no right to advice anyone on this issue, but I’m gonna say my mind anyway.
- PLEASE ladies, this is your life, it has no duplicate and you have the power, in fact, you are mandated by God to protect it. I do not think God will shake your hands if you die at the hands of a husband. Protect your life!
- Seek outside help from reputable Non Governmental Organisations, from the judiciary and from the law enforcement agencies if you are a victim, before it is too late .
- It is best to get yourself empowered no matter how little so that if push gets to shove, you can pick up your life and sojourn on your own.
- There is no worthwhile reason to stay on in an abusive relationship because if you die, people will find some other topic to gossip about. They will pity you at death and what use is that? Besides, if you die or become vegetable, what do you think will happen to your children?
- As for those on lookers that believe the victims should stay on in the marriage just because it is supposed to be for better for worse contract, I salute una! While you encourage her to endure and pray, be a little more realistic. That man is not going to change. He will make promises, he will beg and plead, he is still same inside.
Sisters please take control of your lives and your children. If we do not take care of ourselves, who will? NOBODY!
STAND UP AGAINST
For more on one of the cases, visit
November 25th to December 10th should remind us not just to say NO to violence against women and girls but to also protect them whenever and however we can.
Often times we erroneously believe that violence against women is limited to physical abuse like battering and rape. But when a woman/girl is abused to the point of causing her trauma,psychologically, emotionally or financially, it is an act of violence against her. The effect of the abuse qualifies it as one.
“ He told me that if I hung up, he’d do it. He would commit suicide. He told me that if I called the cops he would kill every single one of them and I knew that he had the potential and the means to do it
Sierra D. Waters, Debbie.
Typical example. It may sound simple but I guarantee you that it has far reaching effects on her.
I was at the salon this evening when a little child was almost run over by a bike if not for the vigilance of the driver. But what surprised me was that the ladies in the salon did not say one unkind word against the mother. She was walking in front, heavily pregnant with a huge bag of corn on her head and other market wares in both hands, leaving the child on his own behind her. Now here is the conversation that ensued,
Hairdresser:But why can’t the hubby take care of the boy since he cannot help otherwise?
Customer 1: When he is busy drinking local gin at the bar all day?
Customer 2:Chai! Women and marriage.
Hairdresser: He will stay there all day not contributing to the family upkeep and if she complains, she gets the beating of her life.
Customer 2: So if he stays there all day, how does he get the money to pay for his drinks?
Hairdresser: Probably taking/stealing from the wife.
And I was wondering why the hell she takes all that shit from him.
“ An abuser isn’t abusive 24/7. They usually demonstrate positive character traits most of the time. That’s what makes the abuse so confusing when it happens, and what makes leaving so much more difficult.
As the world marks this 16 days of Activism on violence against women and girls, may we all, male and female, victims, survivors, and spectators be that change we want to see. Speak up, educate, protect, finance the cause.
In what way would you help to STOP VIOLENCE AGAINST WOMEN/GIRLS?
What would you do differently today to help STOP VIOLENCE AGAINST WOMEN AND CHILDREN?
#PREVENT VIOLENCE AGAINST WOMEN
Today, 25th November (The International Day for the Elimination of Violence against Women), the 16 days of activism against gender based violence commences and will end on 10th December (Human Rights Day). The United Nations Secretary-General enjoins you and I to UNiTE to ‘orange the world’ by joining the campaign to end violence against women.
The colour orange for this year’s theme symbolizes a brighter future for women, a future without violence. We can make it possible, you and I through our concerted efforts, except of course if you believe there is nothing wrong in someone physically or mentally oppressing your mother, your sister, cousin, wife, aunt, or girl friend.
The 2015 theme is Prevent Violence against Women and I want to encourage all of us to join in this campaign against violence in any way we can, organize or join events promoting this cause, use the orange colour to make statement, discuss it with friends and colleagues, especially the vulnerable ones and even victims and the perpetrators, write about it, learn more about violence against women to be better equipped, educate someone, follow the hashtags on the social media and make meaningful contributions, speak against it, there is a lot we can do in these 16 days, you and I in order to help make our world a better place.
The issue is that many women are victims of gender based violence, just that very few are willing to talk about it. According to UN statistics, one in every three women have experienced physical or sexual violence in their lifetime and the say it is a pandemic of global proportions. Yet we tend to ignore it even though we can easily combat it, unlike HIV/AIDS, Ebola and other diseases.
Today, I use this medium to introduce you to this campaign and encourage you to do something. On this site, we will be dealing with different sides of violence against women over these 16 days and I urge any man/woman that has any experiences to share, whether personal or of others to please feel free to do so on this site so that others can learn from these experiences.