As most of you guys know, I signed up for Niki’s #Revofkindness challenge and for the first week, the focus is on Self compassion, being kind and gentle to myself.
I would have never imagined that this journey would start out not to be a child’s play. I mean, how was I to know that being a little kinder to myself will prove to be an uphill task? Neither did I expect that it would be this uplifting. Though Harry my friend tried to warn me on time!
To be a better person, spend less time filling out your personal scorecard and more time being kind . . . to you.
That is the path I started out on in the first week of the #Revifkindness challenge. It dawned on me that I tend to berate myself often enough for all my ‘shortcomings’ and hardly praise me for my good deeds and good side. My thinking revolves more around the things I need to achieve that I have not achieved and then I make a mincemeat of my achievements.
Why? I think I feel deep down that it will make me pompous or proud, so I repress them as much as I can while feeding my mind with what I am not good at. At another level, I compare myself with others and find myself falling short. How mean can I get with myself?
“ Accept where you are, accept what you have, accept who you are ~ do what you can with all of that and let it be enough.
Another milestone is the knowledge that I am beginning to learn to say NO when I mean no instead of saying yes when I mean no. I realise that it is powerful and liberating to be more assertive.
There is a friend that gets to hear some of the discussions I have been having with myself in my head these days. He was surprised that I could actually say those things about myself but he understands that I am going through a tough time presently so tries to push me back to my usual optimistic self. I am more grateful than he realises.
I deviate. But it goes to show how critical and mean I have become towards me.
I should reward myself more often and what better time to do that than on my birthday which is just four days away!
So this challenge has helped me see things more clearly. I now know it is a rough road to my destination but not an impossible feat. THANK YOU to Niki for this challenge.
It goes on…
I wonder if I have ever been that kind of friend to anyone. *sighs.
And the clincher-
I need to be reminding myself of this as often as I breath!
I hope my nominees for today will have a go at this and have fun. The rules are simple, post one or three
quotes per day for three days and choose three different bloggers per day.
I’m writing this as a sequel to my previous post which created a lot of hullabaloo, (I love that word).
First, I apologise to all my loved ones for being selfish with that post. I did not think of the consequences, I just wrote what I felt that exact moment, nothing more. I did not mean that I wanted to commit suicide, far from it. I am too important to wish for that.
I got a lot of very important lessons from that post, so it was not in vain. The best lesson I learnt was that love conquers all and I believe that now more than ever before. I conquered that moment with the love shown to me from the most unlikely places. Sometimes, we need these things to know where we stand with people. One person especially touched me in a deep way with so much love that I could not control my tears. She might feel embarrassed if I mention her name here, but big sis R, you know what you did and so does God.
So many other friends, some angry that I put that kind of stuff in public domain, some with pity (which I hate) and some who understood, thank you all. It was your love that pulled me up faster than any miracle could have.
Does any blogger realise the amount of love and friendship that exist in this blogosphere? I can attest to that! I love you guys for your understanding, patience and encouragement and support.
I did not know prior to this that I have this many people that really love me for who I am. I love you all.
I refuse to dwell on the few friends that were making snide remarks and posting self righteous posts and comments or those that cheered and jeered. They are such an insignificant number that their action does not matter at all.
Love conquers all. Sometimes we need to open ourselves up a bit, to show our vulnerabilities. Sometimes it is wise to share your burdens with the right people. Sometimes, the best way out is not to pretend that your life is perfect. Sometimes mind you… not always.
I love you my wonderful friends!♥♥♥♥
(photo credit goes to the rightful owners o)