I don’t know about anywhere else, but the rate at which men are sexually molesting minors in Nigeria is alarming. It makes me wonder…
Could it be that there’s something suddenly spectacular about the little children’s private parts? Is there a scarcity of prostitutes? Maybe all the matured and willing ladies are now lesbians? I don’t understand it.
It has been a year of child molestation, from one gory incident to the other till the climax with the #JusticeForOchanya incident.
After the death of the little Ochanya as a result of protracted and consistent rape by father and son, the floodgates of child molestation were flung wide open.
From Benue state to Bayelsa state, from Lagos to Abuja, various cases of children being raped by teachers, neighbours and fathers abound, paedophiles everywhere.
My Issue with Caregivers
In the face of this appalling situation, some adults choose to live in a fool’s paradise while some remain careless and carefree. You read comments like ‘oh I know that guy and he is very responsible and religious’. As if that means anything these days.
Since I began my personal sensitization of parents and caregivers, it has dawned on me that lots of adults are naive and blind. I was trying to enlighten a mother of a sweet 2 year old girl, highliting it with instances of recent rape cases of minors, some younger than her daughter. Her response was that God will not allow any rapist to touch her daughter. Well, maybe God is too idle that He’d come down toclean the child’s nose on behalf of the mum. Or the molested kids are God’s arch enemies. What is wrong with her being more vigilant, or more enlightening?
What we fail to understand is that rapists are everywhere and can come in different facades, colors, status and profession. A pastor can be a rapist. A married man can be a rapist. The recent case in Bayelsa state is of a man with two wives and what my friend termed a ‘battalion of concubines’. Yet he was not satisfied.
Rapists are not necessarily vulgar, ugly momsters. They can actually be handsome, sweet, quiet and ‘responsible’. They can reside within your home, inside the school or in your place of worship.
The key is getting yourself enlightened so you can enlighten and protect your younger ones. There’s nothing wrong in teaching them about sex and rape, nothing wrong with equipping them to fight and speak up.
This is a case where prevention is definitely better than cure.
Little Ochanya gave up the ghost on 18th of October at Otukpo General Hospital after unsuccessful battle with VVF.
Cause of Ochanya’s VVF – Ochanya Elizabeth Ogbaje contracted VVF due to the incessant assault on her tender anus and vagina for more than 3 years. She was raped and sodomized from 8 years old when she came to live with her mother’s relative. At 13 years old, Ochanya eventually lost the battle.
The Culprits –
Whatever name you give them, they deserve it. Mr. Andrew, 51, is a Senior Lecturer. His son Victor is a final year student. Both found an 8 year old body irresistible, they found her more alluring than all the beautiful tantalizing ladies around. The son began the raping game first but when his sister discovered it and reported to the family, the father, after paying lip servicw to the issue, joined his son. Together, they raped and ssodomized Ochanya for years, destroying her young organs in the process.
The Police arrested Mr. Lecturer earlier on, but for God knows why, he was released from custody. Not only was he released, he went right back to his lectures and his normal life. The son? No one seems to know his whereabouts.
In pursuit of education and better life, Ochanya left her village to live with her relatives – the rapists. According to her, her woes began when she was just 8. Both men took turns ravaging her.
Wondering why she didn’t seek help? If you have ever been a victim of rape, you wouldn’t wonder. Besides, the barbarians threatened her and on occasions, drugged her into submission. Despite all her tribulations, she continued with her education which the demons terminated at Junior Secondary class 1.
And Mrs Andrew?
Ochanya’s aunt, I kept wondering about her, wondering whether she was dead, insane or simply blind. But obviously, none of the above applies to her. I personally would love to hear from her. Like, ask her how she could turn a blind eye to such inhuman acts in her home. Was she watching while her men did it? Are they all perverts? What was she thinking? How could she keep mute in such disheartening and traumatic situation? Did she hate Ochanya that much?
The Nigerian Justice System – The Police arrested Mr. Randy lecturer. He was arraigned before a court, remanded in prison custody, refused bail, yet he was home and free, going about his normal business. How did he escape from custody when there was no bail and no prison break?
Randy undergraduate son was never arrested, never charged to court, not detained. How come he is invisible? Or maybe he is simply above the law.
My heart weeps for Ochanya, for all her unsown fields, for all her unfulfilled dreams. I weep for the childhood she was denied, for the trauma she underwent for years. I weep for her pains and trauma.
Will Ochanya’s death and suffering not be appeased? Will she be denied justice even in death? Will Nigeria fail her in life and in death?
I demand #JusticeForOchanya. That is the only way her death can be endured and appeased, only when the rapist family Pay for their inhuman treatment.
Sexual abuse and molestation in Nigeria is something we are all used to as females. A guy can boldly and shamelessly share the story of how he forcefully had sex with a number of girls to a mixed audience of male and female, young and old. Instead of the expected outburst from the audience, especially the female ones, don’t be surprised when you get nothing but boisterous laughter and such comments as ‘serves the bitch right’, ‘what was she even doing alone with you?’, ‘if they won’t give you freely, you take by force, after all, you are the man’ and that ends that.
Rape in Nigeria is often the fault of the victim and therefore there is nothing to discuss or fight for, they ask for it. And so the culture of silence continues, we feed it and nurture it, all of us. We nurture it by not speaking up, by not supporting the victims, by shaming the victims, by pretending and accepting it as a norm.
I searched for #MeToo Nigeria on twitter and I came up with mostly lamentations of how it just cannot work in Nigeria – which is probably true, but can’t we just try a bit?
No, I have never been abused by a celebrity of any sort, but yes, I have suffered sexual molestation. In fulfillment of my promise in my last post, here goes…
My first gory experience with rape was after my university when I was looking for a better job than the one I had. He was my school mate in elementary school, I met him again as a course mate and the president of my departmental students’ Union in the university. He became my friend and the brother I didn’t have. This relationship continued even after school and we graduated into family friends.
My crime however, was that I pleaded with him to assist me in getting a better job, nearer home to which he gladly agreed. And when we met to discuss this issue, Buli, my friend felt that if he should help me, then I must have sex with him and when I said NO, he saw no other alternative than to forcefully have his way. He was a married man at the time, still is, with kids he adore, he is a church minister’s son. He was my friend, my brother from another mother, and he raped me and I did nothing about it aside feel sorry for myself and angry at him and myself in addition to dealing with the guilt.
My second experience with rape was just a couple of years back; you would think I would have been smarter by then. Ben used to share a shop with his brother in my cousin’s compound and my cousin’s house happened to be my second home. He was a likeable and trustworthy guy whom my cousin could entrust her shop and home to any time. He asked me out countless times and I politely declined each time. When I moved far away from home, we stopped communicating and I felt he was fed up with me. But when I relocated back home, he became a regular visitor in my mum’s home.
He invited me to his apartment several times and I declined but my cousin told me that since he was a nice person whom we all knew, that there was nothing untoward in going to his apartment. I visited him one afternoon. After the pleasantries, Ben began to list my sins for me, how I had declined his advances for so many years, how he had loved me for ages without my reciprocating. I apologized and explained to him again that I declined because I did not love him and we began to argue back and forth. Then he gave me the verdict that I cannot leave his apartment till I had given him sex. I guess that was my punishment and payment for all my atrocities. He locked his doors and took the keys, telling me that even the shouting spree I wanted to embark on would not help me as no one was around to hear me. After all the drama, Ben succeeded in sexually abusing me.
Maybe this would have helped. I think I need some lessons in taekwando.
Say No to Sexual abuse
I read somewhere about someone saying that sexual abuse is a western thing and it made me wonder if that is also our view in Nigeria. Maybe there are very few or no case of sexual abuse and predatory in Nigeria? It is possible right? Given that we are one of the most religious people of the world.
In case you don’t quite grasp what the Weinstein effect is all about, allow me to fill you in. 2017 was a year of sex abuse scandals which emanated from the USA, though prior to that, there have been other reported cases but of lesser magnitude. The American mega film producer and co-founder of Miramax films, Harvey Weinstein became the scape goat that created what is now popularly known as the tipping point of sexual scandal. According to Wikipedia, ‘the Weinstein effect is a global trend in which people come forward to accuse famous or powerful men of sexual misconduct’. It went on to say that the term came into use to describe a worldwide wave of these allegations as media outlets reported on numerous sexual abuse allegations against Weinstein.
These worldwide waves of allegations seem to exclude Nigeria and I tell you solemnly that it is not for lack of cases of sexual abuse/harassment, No sir! Our country is notorious for bribery and corruption and that includes sexual harassment in high and low places. From schools to offices, to churches, sexual misconduct abound. In fact, it is so pervasive that it seems to have become a norm, describe it as the seam of the Nigerian fabric and you wouldn’t be far from the truth. Students in the Nigerian tertiary institutions are beleaguered with sexual abuses from lecturers, and even non-academic staff for grades, hostel accommodation, or even certificates and of course money. The secondary schools are not left out mind you. The political arena is fraught with cases of sexual misconduct left and right, likewise the various offices, public and private alike. You need to play by their rules in order to get the job/position or get promoted. The churches are supposed to be safe haven for its members but the ministers of the churches hide under the cloak of religion to sexually harass their members in order to ‘rid them of infertility, demons, poverty’ and all what-not.
I have no doubt that almost every Nigerian woman, old or young has a personal history of sexual abuse to share. But unlike the western world, the name and shame thing will definitely backfire here because most of the powerful men are part of the rot. As I read about the Weinstein effect and the Weinstein scandal, I could not help but wish that it could be replicated in Nigeria, but who will bell the cat? For one, corruption is so entrenched into the system that the prey might become the predator if she attempts to name her predator especially without evidence and strong backing. Naming names might expose the victim to threats and dangers beyond her scope.
Let us for one minute dream that the Nigerian victim who was sexually abused by a big name in Nigeria is able to tell her story, will she be heard? Who would believe her and not accuse her of seeking for fame? Most importantly, will she get her justice? Or will she be ridiculed, punished and stigmatized? Some will even term her evil for wanting to expose the abuser, that is how religious we can get.
For three decades Mr. Weinstein harassed and abused women, for thirty years, he used his power to victimize young women. But in 2017, his full cup began to overflow. I was filled with awe when I read of the numerous bodies to which he hitherto had dealings with that not only dissociated themselves from the man, but stripped him of his position, power, honour and prestige in short order. I began to wish that Nigeria could become that courageous and transparent. The reverse would bebthe case here with all the high and mighty groups protecting their own and further victimising the victim.
In the wake of the Weinstein scandal came many other cases of sexual abuse accusations leveled against the powers that be in the world of entertainment, journalism, politics, judiciary, and many other sectors especially in the Western world. More victims, male and female found their voices and began to speak out.
The Weinstein effect has no effect in Nigeria, Nigeria is not even talking about it so how will the effect come about? You only hear or see individual snippets of it from private quarters on the social media. Most of us are scared of the repercussions but I believe there is something we can do here in Nigeria even if it means going anonymous. We can borrow a leaf from the Indian law student, Raya Sarkar
even though she is under fire from rapists and molesters and even feminists for her role in exposing abusers in the academia. Nigerian victims can also open this can of worms here not minding how bloody it can get.
In my next write up on this issue, I will share my own sexual assault experiences in solidarity with the #MeToo tag. I pray I find the courage to tell my story even if I am not able to name names… lolz.
I appreciate the fearless journalists and victims that gave life to the Weinstein effect. They have written their names in the sands of time and in the hearts of men and women of the world and posterity will not find them wanting.