Finding Her Voice; Finding happiness.

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This emptiness can be chilling. It can be killing.


Unfulfilled life leaves you empty. Love gone sour leaves you empty. Death leaves you empty. A life without purpose leaves you empty. An unexamined life leaves you empty, and on and on. What has the power of inflicting that feeling of emptiness in you? Empty pocket, maybe?


It is only a feeling, you are really not empty. One can never be empty.
Your heart or life, as the case may be, may feel empty, but it cannot be empty really. While you are feeling empty, you are probably filled with dreams that were never nurtured to reality. You may be filled with deep sorrow and pains at your loss, or anger and bitterness at everything and everyone, but never empty.

If you let it in the door, it will find itself the most comfortable seat – this emptiness. It will relax and wreak havoc, sometimes irreparable. It will suck you deeper and deeper into its dark abyss.


You are probably better off filling the emptiness rather than merely feeling it. If you fail to fill it, it will fill you – with depression, sadness, poverty, a life without purpose.

Filling the emptiness we feel, how do you do that? With unrestricted sex? Unlimited Pornography? Masturbation? Dark hatred? Constant clubbing? Marriage to alcohol?


Or you are filling it by living on your phone 24/7? That is probably an easy way out for most of us, surf through the web like someone bewitched, scrolling from Facebook to Instagram, from Twitter to Whatsapp and to God knows what – all in pursuit of fulfillment.

These are excellent means of filling and fueling the void. The only teeny fault with those methods is that they create more vacuum. Sex is not powerful enough to fill the void you feel inside, neither is alcohol.

Living within the confines of your phone can only be as effective as a virtual living. It will make you dwell in the virtual world while your life rushes towards its end fruitlessly.

At the moment, it feels like so much fun, like life couldn’t be any better. But, they are mere diversions that can dull the reality of it but can never fill it, not for long anyway.

An unexamined life is not worth living so says Socrates. To fill that emptiness you feel inside, live an examined life. Do not hide under the cloak of hatred and addiction to ruin things further.

Learn to trust and love again even though it is once bitten, twice shy. Love is more powerful. If you should have an addiction, let it be love addiction.

Find your purpose in life, then you will have something to pursue, a dream to turn into reality, a goal to achieve, hurdles to surmount, destinations to reach.
Funny how time flies. We look back years later and regretfully realize that we have wasted so much of our talents, love and resources.


Best part is that it is never too late to unlearn bad habits and learn and relearn good ones.


Letting go.
Holding on.
Which road to follow?
Follow the path of least effort and risk the joys  of the unknown?

She hurt you where it pains the most. He messed with your emotions terribly. It was supposed to be a deal breaker. It was that devastating, I know. Maybe it was even the last straw in a series of blows; it was supposed to break the camel’s back. 

The camel kept limping, dragging itself. The shattered deal though broken, still binds. You gathered the pieces even though you know, that like a fragile shattered glass, they would never be able to be in one piece again.

But you are hoping against hope. You are wishing for a miracle of some sorts. You are willing to give it one more chance, just one more. After all, to err is human, to forgive is divine. You want to be divine for a change. You want to hold on.


He is the love of your life. She is the best you have ever met. You may never find one this awesome. You may live the rest of your life without such a solid shoulder to lean on. Then where will you be? You’d be doomed eternally?

Mere thinking about letting go sends ripples of shivers down your spine. You envisage a life without her for a moment and fear threatens to cripple you. You see an unfulfilled life, a life of emptiness, misery and loneliness. You know it – that living without him would be hell.

Do you also know that you have been feeding yourself with a truckload of mumbo-jumbo? Are you self-aware enough to realize that all that is bullshit? Please do yourself a favor and wake up.

She was the love of your life, or so you thought till the chips came crashing down. He was the best lover but that is because you are yet to meet the genius lover. She was the soul mate you grieve for without knowing that the best is always ahead.

At some point, you know deep down that letting go would be your best option. Yet you stick around, hoping for things to fall back in pleasant places. Sometimes they do, sometimes they fall completely apart.

When they fall farther apart, when they break into tiny pieces, will you be wise enough to know that they cannot fall back into place, that they cannot be mended? Or will you cloud your usual sound judgment with sentiments and emotions?

Knowing that sometimes, letting go is the only road, knowing when it is time to change lanes might be your life saver. There are those moments when the only wise thing to do is to let go. Yea, open your palms and let it go.


Thinking it would be the end of your life is fear trying to rule you and ruin you. No one human being is that indispensible. Each of us is so dispensable that it will amaze you when you discover it. No one is irreplaceable, the best lover, the most beautiful partner, the most supportive of friends, the most generous spouse, all are replaceable.

Remember Beyoncé’s Irreplaceable? That’s a fact of life, replacing someone is easier than your mind tells you.

Rather than stay where you are not wanted, saunter off into a brighter future, yes, a more exciting future.


Rather than endure more heartbreaks, stroll into a more loving arm. Life is full of endless possibilities, the next step, no matter how tough, is bound to take you away from pains into pleasure. Don’t look back, lest like Lot’s wife, you remain in quicksand.

Rise above that stifling fear of the unknown, take my hands, and let us take this stroll together…

Nne Bulu So Ya (Mother like no other)
Uddy, my epitome of astuteness and fortitude! You are my one and only bank of wisdom, now that you are gone, who will give me those priceless pieces of advice? Who will look beyond my smiles to see the pains and unshed tears hidden there?
Amaama, you lived long and happy, always smiling and teasing, but I do wish you could live even longer, that you could stay with me longer. Knowing you are in a better place with your best friend – Jesus – consoles me though.

There are some lives that seem more meaningful to us while they are being lived. There are some persons that touch our lives so deeply and significantly that it feels like we cannot live without them.

There are moments that we manage to catch just in time, some we build over years. Whether built in seconds or in centuries, there are some memories that are forever enshrined in the deepest parts of our hearts. There are certain memories that will remain in our minds for our whole lifetime.

And then there are extraordinary people that come into our lives and help us create those remarkable moments that we cherish and treasure. There are people, who it seems, were made specifically for us, to lift us higher than ourselves, to love us better than anyone else, to guide us just like a supreme being would, yet they are mere humans.

There is another set of unusual people we come across in our lifetime that seem to be a torn in our flesh. But on the long run, they are angels in disguise. They torment and challenge us to greatness; they inspire us to achieve even when it feels like they are our worst enemies. We may even believe we hate them or that they hate us, but when the chips are all down, they are among that few that will make a positive impact on us, consciously or unconsciously.

These are among the reasons why I have issues with death.  There are certain people that death should not tamper with! At least, not until all their life’s work are done and dusted. Why would death snatch someone who is a light to someone’s darkness? How could death choose to take that one person who is a beacon of hope to others?

What was death thinking when it took my bank of wisdom and source of inspiration, the one who has loved me unequivocally right from my first cry on earth? I knew she was not gonna live forever, but I wanted her in my life longer.

She died at 88, but couldn’t she have lived to 100? She was that important to me. Now who’s gonna love me like my Uddy? Who’s gonna see the pain hidden in my laughter?
Adios Roseline!

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