APPEARANCES, EXPECTATIONS, DISAPPOINTMENTS
Judgements prevent us from seeing the good that lies beyond appearances.
– Wayne Dyer
Appearances can be very deceptive, at least most of the time. Some people may appear wild or callous and unless you have very close dealings with them, you would not discover how unassuming or generous they are. Some others like us, you only discover how crazy or daring we are when you get REAL close; otherwise, we appear all unobtrusive and innocent. Are any of us to be held responsible for the way we appear to others or our characters? Mind you, I am not talking about the kind of façade we put up, the kind of appearance we create for others. I mean that natural aura and attitude that we have, naturally, which still shows despite all façade and deceits.
Expectations that others have of us stem from the vibes they perceive from our appearances. For instance, because someone appears wild, people readily judge her before they even get a chance to experience the real her which is probably down to earth and caring. Something happened to me recently that got me sad and thinking. I naturally appear and even act responsible, quiet and pleasant but that does not mean that I put those characters up as acts, they are a part of me just like the wild, crazy and adventurous traits are part of me. To then judge me based on one aspect of my nature or one trait, to me, amounts to being unfair to me.
People set themselves up for disappointment when they think that because I look and act responsible, that I will be responsible all the time and in every situation, but I simply cannot be!
Some people might be that nice but I am not and it hurts when people get disappointed because I do not live up to the expectations they have of me all the time.
I am probably rambling on and making little sense to you, but how else do I let you share this burden in my heart. If I were an artist, maybe I could paint the picture clearer for you but words are only what I have.
You might be wondering why I should be so bothered that someone is disappointed by my actions but this someone is among the people I hold dearest to my heart. It hurts to see the pain caused by my actions. I did not set out to hide this part of me, but the situation had never presented itself for the wild part of me to manifest to him. I understand his pain and hurt because he felt I purposely hid aspects of me from him, like I deceived him or something, but I did not. He has the right to be disappointed and angry with me, having known me all my life. I am sure he is wondering how I could have fooled him all these years; how I could have led him to believe that I am a saint. I never even knew he held me in such high esteem as to think me infallible.
I don’t know. Just because someone’s pretty doesn’t mean she’s decent. Or vice versa. I’m not into appearances. I like flaws, I think they make things interesting.
– Sarah Dessen
So, can you please tell me how I can let everyone that cares to know, know ab initio that I can be as wild as I am gentle, shy as well as adventurous and bold? How do I make everybody see that I am not all innocent, that I have my flaws too which may even outweigh my virtues?