Where does one draw the line between love and possessiveness? Or does one become over possessive because he is deeply in love?
I should think not.
Love encompasses everything good, it has nothing evil or negative attached to it, not even possessiveness. If you truly love, you wouldn’t want to hurt the loved, at least not on purpose. Yet we know that possessiveness hurts the victim since it demeans, sometimes humiliates, and even encroach on her freedom and happiness. And what’s love without freedom and happiness? Not love at all.
You own a very beautiful bird that you love immensely and this bird loves you just as much. Both of you stay together as much as possible. However, you often put this bed in cage except when you are home playing with it, a time that both of you cherish. Despite the love and gift you shower on this bird, it always wants to fly out of that cage, and probably fly away. This bird becomes more and more unhappy as the day goes by and you wonder why.
Friend, you are smothering the little bird, not letting it fly and soar, not giving it a chance to explore its surroundings or mix with others. You are afraid that it will forget you once it mixes with the outside world not so? That its love for you will be transferred to another.
I tell you solemnly, that if only you had trusted that bird enough to let it soar, it would not just have loved you more, it will adore you and you’d become the centre of its world because it would have gone round and seen that there’s none like you, none that can love it as you can. Rather, in your bid to possess it and let it know unequivocally that you own it, you smothered it and the love you both had, so much that you came home one day and met it dead.
Are you possessing your partner to death? You might call it love, but I say it is not.
You are possessive when you don’t let her mix with others, whether male/female.
He is possessive when he monitors your every move, policing you up and down.
She is possessive if she gets unnecessarily angry at silly mistakes and over sights of yours. I remember dating someone who gets all riled up because I pick up the phone and say ‘hello’ before I use endearments like sweetheart, my love, for him. Duh!
In their anger, they may resort to emotional or even physical assault and all that in the name of love? Isn’t that one of the reasons for female genital mutilation? – to ensure the fidelity of the women folk.
Solution? I’d suggest you run away from such relationship if you can because it is a vicious circle. If you can’t? Well, I wish you the best of luck in trying to teach him to trust you totally, to get him acknowledge that there’s a problem, to convince her that you belong to her no matter who you meet or where you go.
If you are possessive, please darling, acknowledge it and seek the root of the problem or else you will find yourself alone when you most need a shoulder to lean on.