They say men are from Mars and women from Venus. Yet, there is this need, basic to all of us – the need to love and be loved. Falling in love and feeling romantic about someone is one of the best feelings any of us can ever experience, male or female.
We all strive to achieve loving and lasting relationships, especially the ladies, at least I do. But often times, we do the opposite, which I’m also guilty of, and end up wondering what happened, we start blaming the witches and wizard from the village and all that. We fail to start the blame game with ourselves.
In response to the drama put up by the ladies, the guys came up with their own complaints – that the women do very little or nothing to enhance the relationship except complaints and criticism.
I don’t think the men are right, rather, I think the ladies are doing the right things the wrong way, albeit, unwittingly.
Let’s take for instance, this experience. My friend BB is every woman’s dream, caring, generous, confident, dependable, courageous, good looking, brilliant, you name it, he’s got it. His Achilles’ heel however, is that he does not and cannot tell the lady he loves that he loves her! He will show her in every possible way that leaves very little room for doubts as to his feelings towards her, but say it or write it? No way, he just can’t. He is not cut out for any emotional drama, in fact, like I always tell him, I think it scares him silly. He’d rather show her or DO any other thing than start discussing love, feelings and emotions. However, his babe, just like many other women, wanted, no needed him to say those ‘I love you’ words, at least, once in a while if saying it always will kill him. But my guy just cannot say or write them even though the feelings are there. Things came to a head when the lady in question started whining and complaining that he doesn’t love her. Hear the last straw:
“Sweetheart, I know you do everything to make me happy, you show me that you care in so many ways, in fact, you are my one in a million. But I NEED to know, do you actually love me because you never say it?” and my friend BB was like,
“What? Do you even need to ask that? After everything you can ask me that?” his girlfriend replied,
“I asked because, sometimes, it seems you care so much about me out of pity and duty not out of love. I’m the only one that uses those words in this relationship. But never mind, it is ok”
But my girl did not know that it was not ok, that in fact, the relationship died that moment. After then, the guy stopped caring so much. The communication between them became like that of two casual friends speaking to each other through a fence, a big barrier.
That became the way of that relationship. If they get back together, it will be by the grace of God because my friend hardly forgives, especially when the sinner is a loved one. That is also the way of many relationships.
LADIES, often times, your man loves you, even more than he admits to himself. Men are naturally not as loquacious as women. They see constant communication as obligation. So learn to read him and interpret his emotions without him having to say or explain everything as you would as a lady.
If his actions often match his words, then why not trust him?
We need to build our self esteem and confidence as ladies. Know and appreciate your self-worth so you won’t need to cling to the guy as if he were a life support machine. Get a life. Be good and generous to yourself first. It is only when one loves oneself to the brim that the love can overflow the other person. That is why the good book said we should love our neighbors as ourselves!
They say we bring nothing to the relationship, but we do, maybe we actually bring excess therefore, our expectations are way up. That is when we begin to manipulate them to love us, to commit. But what we should rather concentrate on is being our good selves always, share your emotions and frustrations with him in a compelling and attractive way. Don’t hurl them at him, do not be a drama queen.
Allow him to pamper you and make you happy, you deserve it, then do not fail to reciprocate and show gratitude. Some of us are like parasites, we only open our hands to receive while giving nothing in return. As a woman, you have a lot to offer a man, if he makes himself available to accept. But before he can open his mind to accept, the lady must prove to be trustworthy and have something tangible to offer.
Of course, there are some that are not worth fighting for, it is better to flee from such. Male and female, each of us has our duties to each other and to ourselves and these should never be neglected if what we really desire is a great, lasting relationship. There is however, nothing like a perfect man or woman. It is by complementing our imperfections that we build true loving but imperfect relationship.