ARE THE MEN DOING LESS OR THE WOMEN ARE TOO DEMANDING?
Are women generally over demanding in relationships?
Yes seems to be the general consensus of men, although some are quick to point out that it is not all ladies. Women on the other hand… your guess is as good as mine.
‘He rarely calls or chats to see how I’m doing, even when I chat him up, he either takes ages to reply or simply ignores me and he says he loves me?’
‘My husband hardly stays at home, he’s either at the office or hanging out with friends. Where do I fit in then?
“I hurt all the time because I feel alone and abandoned.”
“He is no longer my friend.”
“The only time he pays attention to me is when he wants sex.”
“He is never there for me when I need him the most.”
“When he hurts my feelings he doesn’t apologize: Instead, he tells me I’m too sensitive.”
“He rarely considers me.”
“He doesn’t show any interest in me or what I do.”
“He sits and watches television when he could be talking to me.
Women complain of mental cruelty, evident in the men’s indifference and failure to communicate effectively. When they say the men neglect them, they are simply saying the men abandon them emotionally, and physically – distance in heart and home. Unfortunately, neglect is probably the greatest reason for the break up in marriages and relationships and men just cannot comprehend it. They are mystified by these complaints.
Someone once said that ‘There always has to be one demanding person in a relationship. Women just decided to take that role the minute Eve convinced Adam to eat the forbidden fruit.’ Maybe, maybe not.
I asked a married male friend of mine why men seem to be insensitive to the needs of the women and he replied that it is the women that rather have high and unrealistic expectations.
They expect the man to call as often as possible, even when they know he is busy working (as if the woman has no job), they expect him to tell them details of everything, including where they are at all times, whom they are with, what they are doing. They demand for his time and attention, yet want him to foot most of the bills and take care of them and the family, credit their accounts, buy the Brazilian hairs and such. Gosh! How can a guy survive that? ‘We are not wired for all that, simple.’ Honestly, when you look at it separately like that, it seems like all the woman wants is to choke the man to death. After all, if you could get more by asking, wouldn’t you keep asking.
According to the men folk, women have absurd expectations which continue to grow out of reach of men while the womenfolk fail to meet men’s ‘brief expectations’ from them. That in fact, most women take pride in having nothing to offer the men, deliberately refusing to meet their expectations. This is despite their ‘gigantic efforts’ to be caring, sensitive and generous which are not appreciated in the least.
For me, I believe the question should be; Do women expect too much from their men or are the men doing less for their women than they should?
I always maintain that women are so complicated in nature that ironically, it is the very minutest things that they desire, those things that men overlook, they do not even notice the existence of these things, talk more of trying to meet those needs. However, the very few men aware of this reap the fruit thereof.
What does the real woman want? – a soul mate, someone she can trust to be there for her, someone who listens and responds, a man who believes in her, takes her feelings into account during decision making. Women desire emotional connection, support and care from their men. The money and jewelries and cars are secondary.
Women want to be integrated into a man’s entire life, not relegated to one corner (scary huh?). Some men are scared that if they give her one yard, she will take ten, that’s a possibility too. But sincerely, an average decent woman when invited by her man into every part of his life – work, friends, family, games – helps change his priorities not take over his life. When she is involved in decision making, she brings her practical female input into the man’s life and the man in turn, learns that her feelings and needs are very different from his. Thus, learning how to accommodate and live in a way compatible to hers. He learns to avoid habits that make her unhappy and to meet her most important emotional needs.
I have had the opportunity to witness the difference between the families and lives of men who make their spouses their friends and confidants, men that make use of their advice and input when they are right and that of the men who go the opposite way. The difference is glaring. Some weak men who I must say are insecure in themselves fall into the latter group and are the worse for it because they are afraid that they will lose their identity to the woman.
If you keep shutting her out, how will you understand that complicated mind of hers? How will you establish that unity and emotional connection?
How difficult is it to do that? No, no, no, don’t fly off the handle yet. I agree that it can be daunting for a man to be all that, granted. But if you can accommodate her and both of you take actions and decisions based on enthusiastic agreement, there is emotional integration, communication flows thereby pursuing that stubborn issue of NEGLECT. See? it is ridiculously simple!
My married friend suggested that since men are not emotionally wired , women should learn to be less demanding and expectant. Well, is that right or not?
The sequel will address the other side of the coin for as they say, it takes two to tango!